The drive to drop my mom off at Mary’s and Chloe’s was only about fifteen minutes, but round-trip—and with probably some conversation before running off again—Dad would be gone a half-hour at least, maybe more.
Lockley rose from the table and started gathering up the dirty plates and brownie dishes. “You go relax,” she told me. “I’ve got this.”
I was jittery, but suddenly exhausted, so I took her up on the offer and trudged to the living room, then collapsed onto the couch.
Collin followed and grabbed the remote, then stood in front of the television. “How do you feel about a classic, feel-good TV show with wholesome morals? You didn’t seem to like the comedies.” He turned to face me.
I stared at him. For once he wasn’t scowling or judging my life choices. He looked like he was trying to help.
I shrugged. “Sure. I guess.”
“Great. I know one you probably haven’t seen.” He turned back toward the TV.
Now I was curious. “What show?”
He glanced at me over his shoulder. “Impatient much?” The words were sarcastic, but he said them with a glimmer of amusement in his green eyes.
He turned back around and scrolled through the streaming options while I gaped at the back of his head, because, hot jalapeno frijoles, it seemed Collin was actually trying to be nice.
When he finally settled on his feel-good TV show choice, I raised an eyebrow. “Gargoyles? That after-school cartoon from the 90s?”
He lowered the remote. “What, have you seen it?”
I shrugged. “No. Heard of it, but can’t say I’ve watched it.”
He smiled. “Well, don’t knock it until you try it.”
“You sound like my dad,” I said—and found myself smiling back.
We entered a momentary Twilight Zone where Collin and I were both smiling at each other—and were both aware that we were smiling at each other—then Collin broke eye contact and snap, the spell was broken.
Collin moved back to the recliner and pressed play without another word.
My heart was still racing, which I didn’t even realize it had been doing. What had just happened?
We were about five minutes into the episode of Gargoyles—which seemed like it probably was an interesting show, if I’d been able to focus on it—when Collin pressed pause.
I looked over at him. “What?”
“You’re twitching.” He nodded to my leg.
My knee had been bouncing up and down without me realizing it. I stilled. “I’m fine.”
He shook his head. “You really are climbing out of your skin, aren’t you?”
I just stared at him.
He sighed. “Come on. I have an idea.” He stood, and before I knew it, he was right in front of me, extending a hand to help me stand.
I stared at his hand for a moment, then looked up at him. His expression was so unlike the scowling Collin I was used to, I went along mostly from shock. I placed my hand in his, and he pulled me to my feet, then led me toward the kitchen.
“We’ll be in the backyard,” he told Lockley as we passed through.
She looked up from washing the dishes—caught sight of our clasped hands—and her eyes widened.
I pulled Collin toward the backdoor before Lockley dropped a glass or something. “Yeah, we’ll be outside.”
The moment we were outside, our clasped hands felt awkward—there was no longer a reason for it.
Collin seemed to feel that, too, and slid his hand out of mine before I could pull away. “Over here,” he said, walking toward the edge of the back porch.
I followed him, curious, and watched him step out into the open grass and kick off his shoes.
Then he turned and stared at me. “Now you.”
I looked down. I was still wearing my socks. I slipped them off and followed him out into the grass.
He spread his arms and tipped his face up toward the night sky, then closed his eyes.
“What’s the point of this, Collin?”
He peeked one eye open at me, then closed it again. “Just feel, Aubrey. Feel your toes in the grass. Feel the night air on your face. Feel the moonlight on your eyelids. Feel.”
He was grounding me—like the techniques my therapist had taught me for helping with my anxiety. I wondered briefly how he’d learned this… or whether standing barefoot in the moonlight was just a weird hobby of his. But regardless, I listened. I spread my arms, tipped my face up, let the moonlight cascade over my closed eyelids, and felt.
The night air was warm and humid. The grass was cool on my feet. There were crickets somewhere nearby, and possibly a frog in the bushes. After a moment, the neighbor’s sprinklers on the other side of our privacy fence kicked on, making a steady ch-ch-ch-whir sound in the distance. Now and then, the slightest breeze danced over my skin, carrying the hose-water scent of the sprinkler.
I felt Collin move in front of me, and suddenly the night air smelled like him—an undertone of spiced cologne I’d smelled many times in the car, but never paid much attention to.
It was pleasant.
“Better?” I opened my eyes to find Collin studying me—not too close, but definitely closer than he’d been before.
Wow, his green eyes really were gorgeous, especially when he wasn’t scowling at me.
I dropped my arms and stepped back. “Actually, yeah. Thanks.” I did feel calmer. Not that it fixed anything… but facing a sucky reality was hard enough without a boiling cauldron of panic in my chest. The panic was still there, but it had taken its rolling boil down to a simmer. I could draw a full breath again.
For a moment, we just watched each other.
This new Collin was a lot nicer than the usual one, but also confusing, because I still didn’t know if or when to expect the typical Collin to return. Sure, he was objectively handsome… and muscular… and had those eyes and the freckles all working in his favor, despite his meticulously over-styled hair… but even though Collin was the kind of guy I’d typically have fallen for, looks-wise, this was Collin. And Collin was a jerk.
Usually.
Like I said, it was confusing.
I was debating whether to fill the rapidly growing awkward silence by asking him where he’d gotten the grounding techniques, when I heard my parents’ car pull into the driveway.
The car door opened and shut.
“Your dad must be home,” Collin said, stepping away from me. “And it’s late. I should go see if Lockley needs help in the kitchen.”
He turned to head back into the house.
I reached out and grabbed his hand.
He looked back at me in surprise—honestly, I’d surprised myself.
I dropped his hand. “Sorry. I just wanted to thank you… again. This helped.”
His green eyes locked on me. “You’re welcome.” He smiled. “I’m glad it helped. Goodnight, Aubrey.”
He had a really nice smile to go with those green eyes. Who would’ve guessed?
I was sure the scowl would be back tomorrow.
“Goodnight,” I told him.
He headed inside.
I looked up at the moon for a moment longer, then went inside to find Lockley and Collin saying their goodbyes to my dad.
Lockley came and hugged me, while Collin simply walked out the front door—technically, he’d already said goodnight to me, so it wasn’t exactly rude.
Once they were gone, I turned to my dad. He looked exhausted.
“I think I’m ready to try to sleep now,” I said. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to, but… I need to try.”
He gave me a weary smile. “Right there with you. You okay to sleep upstairs, or do you wanna crash on the couch? I can stay in the recliner.”
I knew my dad probably wanted his bed, and the fact he was willing to sleep half-sitting just so I wouldn’t be alone made my eyes prickle.
“I’m okay, Dad. I’ll head to my bed.”
He moved toward me and pulled me into a hug. “You know where to find me if you change your mind.”
I hugged him back. “Yes, I do. I love you.”
“Love you too, kid.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, then nudged me toward the stairs. “Wake me when you get up, if I’m not up already.”
“Okay.”
I headed up for bed… and though my mind spun for quite some time after lying down, I focused on praying—for Chloe, for her mom, for my family, with an extra prayer of thanks for friends like Lockley and even Collin—and eventually the sheer exhaustion dragged me under.
***
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